By Brandon Scott, Content Creation Manager, Easterseals Crossroads
Understanding disability etiquette is an important step in creating a more inclusive society. Many people want to be respectful but aren’t always sure what to say or do. As a person who uses a power wheelchair and has no arms or legs, I’ve had my fair share of awkward encounters, but I’ve also experienced moments of genuine connection when people approach me with kindness and respect.
This guide will help you navigate interactions with people with all types of disabilities, offering practical tips and personal insights. Plus, I’ll include a section for parents on how to handle their child’s curiosity in a positive way.
Disability Etiquette: Do’s and Don’ts
- Treat People as Individuals, Not Their Disabilities
People with disabilities are just that—people first. Don’t define someone solely by their disability. Speak to them the way you would anyone else.
Personal Example: I’ve had experiences where people ignore me and direct their questions to whoever is with me. It’s frustrating to hear, “What would they like to eat?” instead of just asking me directly. I can speak for myself, and most people with disabilities can too!
DO: Speak directly to the person, not their caregiver or companion. This includes instances when an individual is speaking through an interpreter.
DON’T: Assume someone can’t communicate just because they have a disability.
- Ask Before Helping
Offering help is kind, but don’t assume assistance is needed. Always ask first.
Personal Example: People often try to help me without asking, thinking they’re being helpful. But just jumping in and helping me without permission takes away my independence, and makes the assumption that I am not capable.
DO: Ask, “Would you like any help?” before jumping in.
DON’T: Assume someone needs assistance and act without permission.
- Respect Personal Space and Mobility Devices
For many people with disabilities, mobility devices like wheelchairs, canes, and prosthetics are extensions of their bodies. Treat them with the same respect you would personal belongings.
Personal Example: I’ve had strangers lean on my wheelchair while talking to someone or even place their bags on it. It’s not a piece of furniture—it’s my mobility!
DO: Treat mobility aids as part of a person’s personal space.
DON’T: Touch, lean on, or move someone’s wheelchair without permission.
- Use Thoughtful Language
The way we talk about disability matters. Choose words that show respect and avoid outdated or offensive terms.
DO: Use terms like “person with a disability” or “uses a wheelchair.”
DON’T: Say things like “handicapped,” “crippled,” or “wheelchair-bound.”
Language is always evolving, so if you’re unsure, it’s okay to ask what language someone prefers.
- Focus on Abilities, Not Limitations
People with disabilities live full, independent lives—we just do things differently.
Personal Example: Whether it’s a “simple” task like brushing your teeth or a “large” task like driving a car, the way I do things is definitely not the same as you would do them. I don’t let my disability hold me back from at least trying to figure out ways to accomplish various tasks, and if I’m not successful that is fine. Not everyone can do everything like everyone else…can you throw a football like Peyton Manning?
DO: Assume people with disabilities are capable until told otherwise.
DON’T: Assume someone can’t do something just because of their disability.
- Interact Naturally
If you’re unsure how to act, just be yourself! It’s okay to be curious or not have all the answers. The best approach is to treat people with disabilities with the same kindness and respect you’d give anyone else.
Personal Example: Some people avoid making eye contact with me, as if acknowledging my disability makes them uncomfortable. Others overcompensate by acting overly cheerful or giving me unnecessary praise for simple things. The best interactions? When people just treat me like a regular person.
DO: Say hello, make eye contact, and engage naturally.
DON’T: Stare or pretend not to see someone with a disability.
For Parents: How to Handle Your Child’s Curiosity
Children are naturally curious when they see someone with a disability. Instead of shushing them or rushing away, use these moments as teaching opportunities.
- Answer Their Questions Honestly and Positively
If your child asks, “Why does that person not have arms?” or “Why are they in a wheelchair?” don’t panic! A simple, age-appropriate response works best.
Example Response:
“Everyone’s body is different! Some people use wheelchairs to get around, just like you use your legs.”
- Avoid Shushing or Making Disability a “Taboo” Topic
Shushing your child can unintentionally teach them that disability is something shameful or “wrong.” Instead, acknowledge their curiosity and respond calmly.
- Teach Inclusive Language Early
Encourage your child to use respectful terms. Instead of saying “that poor person,” you might say, “That person uses a wheelchair to move, just like we use our legs.”
- Lead by Example
Children learn by watching their parents. If you interact with people with disabilities in a friendly and respectful way, your child will too. Instead of avoiding eye contact or acting overly cautious, just say hello and treat the person as you would anyone else.
Personal Example: One of my favorite interactions was with a little boy at a store who asked me, “How do you drive your wheelchair?” His mom didn’t shush him—she smiled and let me answer. I explained how I use my shoulder to steer, and the boy was fascinated. That was a perfect example of how curiosity can lead to a positive and inclusive interaction!
Final Thoughts: Inclusion Starts With Awareness
Disability etiquette isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being mindful. If you’re unsure how to interact, just be respectful, ask questions if appropriate, and treat people with disabilities as you would anyone else.
By making small efforts to be inclusive, we create a world where people with all types of disabilities are seen, heard, and valued. Let’s continue to learn, grow, and build a more accessible and understanding society together!
